I have had so many thoughts on my mind as of late...wondering how to handle lots of difficult situations that seem to be inundating me. (Lets just be frank, shall we?... "My name is Shelby, and I am a human magnet for all kinds of circumstances in which people find the most peculiar ways of trying to impute their nonsense into my brain. My permanent dwelling place seems to be 'between a rock and a hard place'...")
I wish that life would just slow down for one second; just long enough for me to think about how to handle everything.
I sometimes feel so frustrated. The tasks just keep piling up on my plate. About the time I think things will slow down for a brief moment, they get busier than they were when I was hoping they would slow down! So here is a little glimpse of all the things I would like to do. (don't skip this part, I know it is tempting to just slide on through this barrage of annoyances I have listed below. But you won't understand the point in my post if you skip it)
- I want to read! I have a huge stack of books I want to read....and it is not getting any smaller
- I want to finish every single, solitary speck that has been scribbled (alright---typed) onto my to-do list
- I want to have time to experiment with some cake and just have fun with creating new edible creations : )
- I want to write
- I want to garden
- I want to practice my cello for more than just a few snippets here and there
- I want to broaden my studies in theology, history, poetry, writing, homemaking; etc.
- I want to organize! (*guilty confession* Just because someone is an organization lover, does not mean that all of their stuff is organized)
- I want to spend a day doing absolutely nothing!
- I want to become a more accomplished seamstress
- I want to be more disciplined and get in the habit of rising very early in the morning. 5ish is ideal! The reasoning behind this, is of course, so that I can get more of the above done! (Go ahead! Laugh!! See if I care. Well, I won't care, because I won't know... ; )
There are loads more things I could add to this list, but I fear boredom would light on you readers and the end of this rambling post would never be reached.
So there. Notice anything? C'mon, you saw it, right? I made it really easy! : )
Everything above starts with..."I want". It is all about the things "I" want to accomplish! You know, the evil little monsters that dwell inside of us, named "Me, Myself and I"! They pooch out their lips and fold their arms and say, "my way, or highway! This is what I desire, and so shall it be!" Then, when what we want to have accomplished doesn't come to fruition, we feel frustrated and angry. We stomp our feet and wonder why things are not going the way we feel that they should. We might feel unprofitable, disgruntled and blame it on lack of time! (as I did at the beginning of this post) But the truth is, that our focus should be on fulfilling God's desires and plans for our lives. And given the fact that He is sovereign, He brings us all the situations we face everyday and He has a purpose in them!
I sometimes feel that I am not productive enough. That in order for me to be a suitable vessel for God and a good wife and mother someday, I must be doing what in my mind constitutes the cultivation of those things. But God knows what I need to fill the shoes He wants me to wear, and I don't need to take all of that into my own hands all the time! (No, I am not as big a control freak as I sound, but I do like to feel profitable and productive...of course, I sometimes like to define that on my terms. ; ) So while none of my above desires are wrong; is it more important that I help the elderly people who need it and be the light of Christ to the world, or that I practice the Bach that is so beautifully beckoning my name? Is it more important that I serve those around me, or that I steal away and jot down a poem or a few thoughts that are stuck in my mind? You see, God has this wonderful way of showing us how He is accomplishing more important things through what sometimes feels like drudgery. We just need to relinquish our non-existent power and stop kicking against the pricks!
When I feel like I am in a situation that I don't want to be in; (sorta, kinda, maybe an argument *wince*) I need to understand that at least two, if not more, things are happening. First off, God is building my character! He is teaching me how to handle opposition in a smaller context. He is teaching me how to defend my faith with graciousness and humility! These are invaluable learning opportunities that I should not ever despise! And also, He could be using me in ways that I cannot even imagine! How dare I be selfish and wish that things were easier on me! God has been so good to teach me so many things about Himself, and I get so excited to share what He has taught me with others; so why would I bristle when He affords me those moments, just because I might not always recognize what is going on? In our flesh, we often times wish for babyish comfort. We want to feel pampered and indulged. But that is not what we have been called to! We have been called to war for the kingdom of Christ! We are not to love luxury and ease. We are to love fighting! We should rejoice when we get to slay demons and sever dragons! That is what we are meant to do. How is that even describable on the scale of wonderful? I cannot begin to convey the feeling of knowing that our lives are the lives of warriors. That we were not put on this earth to discover a life that is driven by a man made purpose; but our gracious God has put us here with a purpose already in mind and clearly outlined in His word! He doesn't keep it a secret from us. It is right in front of our faces. We should grab at this opportunity with eagerness and make every endeavor to prepare our minds, spirits and even bodies to battle for the cause of Christ.
Our entire lives we will fight our flesh. We will seek every day to put off carnality, all the while, discovering a new avenue that we need to conquer in our flesh everyday. The more we grow in our Savior, the more sin we see in ourselves! The closer we get to His likeness and perfection, the more imperfection we see in our own hearts, and it grieves us and causes us to mourn; but it makes us solely dependent on Him to be perfect for us. We do not have to be blameless before the throne of God, because Jesus Christ has already done that for us. Now we just need to strive to honor and glorify Him on this earth and further His kingdom while we are here.
We have been given a calling...let us implore the grace of almighty God, and fulfill it!